Can't wait

                             Can't wait

                         by Russell R Ellis

I believe, the time when I die

I will become a child, surrounded by my child friends

We will, play, touch, roughhouse, no need to lie

I will touch you, you will touch me, no guilt for eternity

Like my dog, forever forgiving, no matter what I do

You will forgive me, I will forgive you, forever on

I won't reach puberty, neither will you my friend

so nothing is nasty, not for me and not for you

Your a girl, I'm a boy, we are not nasty, just bundles of joy

We will perhaps, be Cherubs, surrounding God on high

no right, no wrong, just playing harps, singing songs

roughhousing, as time never moves on, just girl, just boy

they took our right to privacy, that made us free, not you, not me,

to protect you, and to protect me, from you and from me

I won't tell on you and you won't tell on me

God will say no, so you will be free, just like me

We will be rubber dolls, you and I and our friends
no pain, no cares, no cares at all
just play all day, I will bounce you,
you bounce me, around, oh yes, like rubber ball's

The feelings that, tempt us will all be long gone
we will be objects, like cars, buggy's or a ball
like naked, yet fully clothed, overwhelmed with good feelings
just enjoyment for us all

CLIMBING MY MOUNTAIN

BY

RUSSELL R ELLIS

An innocent child I was standing on a porch playing with little brother, his friends, so much fun

Mike, my little brother playing with a lighter, caught Steve’s hair on fire

I was in Vietnam when I got a letter saying mike is a marine over there

Now he would also be marked a baby killer, wishing he were just a child abuser anywhere

hard to except what we were ordered to do, in snake, spider swampy jungle everywhere

the accusing evaders never got punished for refusing to do what we had to do in hell

so alone at night, hiding in the jungle, seeing camp light where our troop was sleeping

 to warn about an attack coming there way, knowing if they came you would die all alone

one moment we were eating C rations on top of our track then flying slow motion in the air

confused, a jeep flying at my side and my friend Porter on my other side falling down

We landed inside the track leaped on a bench on each side and hugged the roof

metal dropped everywhere with rolling horrendous thunder threatening in my ears

metal stopped falling, clearing dust from the hazy view, coming at us was a loud rushing noise

feeling so tired falling from time to time, saw troops waving and mouths moving no voices

 tornado sound coming for us and body parts everywhere, boots, and even a belt 

handed a shovel as I got out on shaky legs, to shovel nasty, as fear & Adrenalin is all I felt

Its a time you can cry mommy and she isn’t there, she can’t take away that awful fear,

lost some friends and troop leader that horrible day of tears

with mommy and daddy so far away, can’t protect me anymore, please God give me hope

how was I to know it would get worse as time goes on taking me to the end of the rope

This is just the beginning of this nightmare to take place, but hang on we just begun

there a thundering just over the horizon, bombing on the DMZ they said see it in the sun

then run run came over the radio, herds of elephants on the run coming our way

a tiger came rushing by as the thunder got louder and we were gone tiger lets pray

the rotten branches crunched under our boots as we sank into nasty smelling brush

making you wonder am I about to feel a nasty bite on my leg, I feel the Adrenalin rush

feeling things like leaches, spiders, and ants crawling around my crouch, butt, and balls

nothing to do but go on, when will it all end you know like the bottom of water falls

There is no end to fear, its a stalker that bullies you on and on, no mercy, no justice at all

rain gently fell, monkeys in a tree dropping coconuts, not nice on an ambush patrol at night

yells be quiet as it run under our poncho, us, the machine gun as we fought the snarling whatever

got on the tracks heading home from our ambush patrol, and ran into roadblock, doc, Sgt lost leg’s

Did I have a great adventure, I sure did, a fiction adventure, if you leave out the reality of it all

they came from everywhere, no bunkers, alone just us two “TET” a merry Christmas call

I was now filled with hate of the Vietnamese people, our government and craziness at home

so many battles in my mind, everyone wanted me dead, I trusted no one, herringbone

track went into battle formation drove into a swamp, stuck oh my god were are a setting duck

time went by slowly, chopper landing boom, it sat upside down spinning what luck

I that child being taught contortion by my dad, he taught mike to hang upside down by his toes

where is my dad so strong brave a hero with Vinegar Joe, Stillwell, Burma & who knows

he can’t help me, not now that old Merrill’s Marauder, my hero my dad, to far away..tear

everything is spinning around everything is dangerous men and women at home spitting fire

a battle far bigger was coming when I get home I fear, who do I trust, as love is gone

people in black pajamas leaping out at me, judges of my fate, pain where am I whats going on

Oh ya the CIA was trying to kill my friend and I drove him home in his car so sad

Then I was alone, so hopped a train, got crushed from my waist down, a new hell

sex organ cut off in two places, no children in my life, bladder badly damaged, no hope

My mountain, my mountain seems so high, legs hurt so bad, let me die, can’t make this clime

wife, children, grand children, great grandchildren chronic heart deceases, a mountain I did clime

feels like bugs in my chest or worms crawling around, Artery Fibrillation another dime

a crazy drunk, after the war, paranoid, feared the CIA, and I hurt so many trying to get away

five years younger then me, ran his car over a cliff,  Mike, lets go out and play little brother

hurt my spine no feeling on right side and in my waist, Got a rope God, my friend give a pull

Mike come back and help me brother I miss you, they all hate my hugs and my heart is so full

now there is hope, have dementia so it getting easier for me, but a hell for my wife

Mike lets go out and play